prodigal summer

hard lessons

1. A man won't let go if he really loves you. Do not hold on to someone who has let go of you. He does not love you and does not value having you. Believe me, he will not let go if he really loves you. There is another reason he is not willing to tell.

2. Do not look for reasons why he ended the relationship. There is only one reason why he ended your relationship. He just does not love you. Do not waste your time thinking of reasons or what you should have done. Move on and be open to a man who will truly love you.

3. Do not get hung up on your past. Do not nag or distrust your current boyfriend just because your ex hurt you. Do not treat him or the relationship the same way. Do not compare. He will not react the same way as your ex. Do not be worried that your simple mistakes will cause him to look for another girl. What happened with your ex was not your fault. It was not because you didn't guard him enough or you didn't make him happy enough.

4. Do not look into images. How many times have you met a girl who didn't have the best image in school or at the office, but you get to know the girl and found out she was actually extremely nice? Do not rely on images. Oftentimes, it is far from reality. Do not fear men just because your "supposedly" perfect ex-boyfriend mistreated you.

5. Always have your own set of rules. Set your limits on how far you'd go for a guy. It's perfectly ok to give and do everything as long as it's worth it.. And it's worth it if the guy is treating you right.

6. Do not be scared to lose him. Don't be scared that he'll break up with you. Once you are afraid of losing him, you easily can be taken advantage. Be strong and if something is unacceptable, do not accept it and speak up.

7. Avoid calling your guy. It's a guy thing. The relationship will definitely be better if it's the guy who's calling, not the girl. He will get tired of you if you keep on calling. He will lose interest and challenge. More so, he will get annoyed. But it's a girl thing also that your fingers get too itchy until you dial his number. But avoid as much as possible. Call only if really needed (like checking if your suspicions are reasonable).

8. There is a guy who will value you. There is a guy out there who can make you feel valued, appreciated, and loved. And I mean, not just during your first few weeks together. So don't lose hope. Don't settle for a lesbian if you are not attracted to women. There is a man out there who can love you like a girl can. Also, do not believe him when he says it's just the way he really is. He's not the sweet or expressive-type. Remember during your first few weeks together? Where has that sweet guy gone? He simply is not that into you anymore.

9. Always be the only one, no matter what. Do not ever fall for a guy who has another girl, be it his wife, girlfriend, or any girl that he says he just can't get rid of for whatever reason. If you truly believe that he loves you and for some reason, he can't leave or let go of another girl, then you are no different from any ordinary mistress.

10. He must respect you. No matter how long the relationship has been, he should always show respect towards you.

11. If he fooled you, end it. Philandering once is enough. You can never trust nor respect the person again.

12. Never start a relationship the wrong way. Do not steal another girl's man, for whatever reason. Nor should you enter a relationship for the wrong reasons (loneliness, on the rebound, getting back at your ex, man-dependency, etc.) it is bound not to last. You will only end up wasting more years of your life.

13. Do not force yourself into a relationship. Do not get into a relationship just because your friends are getting impatient with your dating escapades and the one hasn't come yet.. Do not choose who to say yes to based on superficial things like money, looks, cars, etc.. If you are even thinking of these things, you have not fallen in love yet.

14. Do not settle. If you are not happy anymore with your relationship, break up instantly. He will not stay with you forever no matter how upright he might seem to be. Eventually, he will also want love and happiness in his life.

15. A relationship has to have love. Love is the only thing that will push you to give your efforts into making the relationship work. And believe me, keeping a relationship requires genuine efforts of both parties.

16. Don't be afraid to be single. It's fun to be single, try it. You can go out whenever and wherever you want. You are free. You can date whomever you want and you get to go out for free! Do not get a boyfriend just for the sake of having one. Do not settle.

17. Be a good girl. Be a good girl to attract a good guy. Enter the relationship with sincere intentions. Take the guy and the relationship seriously with the plan of spending the rest of your life with that person (of course, this is after you had your bit of fun in your younger years) . If you compare your flings from your real relationships, you will know that the latter makes you happier and more fulfilled.

18. Love without limits. Whether you loved and gave everything or loved but held out for some things, if the relationship ends, you still get hurt. But if you gave your everything, you were happy and you could say that it was worth it. If you didn't give your all, you get hurt for nothing.

19. You will get over him. Love is over-stated. Love eventually ends and you are free to love another.

20. Be the one. Act like you are the one. Don't be a nagger. Don't hinder his gimmicks. Don't give in to him too easily. Make him treat you as important. Don't be easy. Don't be like every other girl he had in his life.

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unappreciated

am i not pretty enough?

is my heart too broken?

do i cry too much?

am i too outspoken?

dont i make you laugh?

or should i try harder?

why did you see right through me?

stark reminder by CH Spurgeon

"And be not conformed to this world." — Romans 12:2

If a Christian can by possibility be saved while he conforms to this world, at any rate it must be so as by fire. Such a bare salvation is almost as much to be dreaded as desired. Reader, would you wish to leave this world in the darkness of a desponding death bed, and enter heaven as a shipwrecked mariner climbs the rocks of his native country? then be worldly; be mixed up with Mammonites, and refuse to go without the camp bearing Christ's reproach. But would you have a heaven below as well as a heaven above? Would you comprehend with all saints what are the heights and depths, and know the love of Christ which passeth knowledge? Would you receive an abundant entrance into the joy of your Lord? Then come ye out from among them, and be ye separate, and touch not the unclean thing. Would you attain the full assurance of faith? you cannot gain it while you commune with sinners. Would you flame with vehement love? your love will be damped by the drenchings of godless society. You cannot become a great Christian--you may be a babe in grace, but you never can be a perfect man in Christ Jesus while you yield yourself to the worldly maxims and modes of business of men of the world. It is ill for an heir of heaven to be a great friend with the heirs of hell. It has a bad look when a courtier is too intimate with his king's enemies. Even small inconsistencies are dangerous. Little thorns make great blisters, little moths destroy fine garments, and little frivolities and little rogueries will rob religion of a thousand joys. O professor, too little separated from sinners, you know not what you lose by your conformity to the world. It cuts the tendons of your strength, and makes you creep where you ought to run. Then, for your own comfort's sake, and for the sake of your growth in grace, if you be a Christian, be a Christian, and be a marked and distinct one.

dark depth of despair

the sun is scorching in the midday blaze
but the cold is numbing the core of my heart
my head is a maze of used-to-bes
but one thought lashes a blow on them all
my face wears a smile for all the world to see
it reaches not the eyes for the heart cries
a cry no mortal ear can hear
as i wallow in the dark depth of despair

dark depth of despair

the sun is scorching in the midday blaze
but the cold is numbing the core of my heart
my head is a maze of used-to-bes
but one thought lashes a blow on them all
my face wears a smile for all the world to see
it reaches not the eyes for the heart cries
a cry no mortal ear can hear
as i wallow in the dark depth of despair

the goodness of life

so much for my being a cynic lately...

i actually found a poem that could alter my adroit derision of life. a pat on the back once in a while is rational to jolt us back to a much more favorable perspective.

.

Though there is much
to be concerned about,
there is far, far more
for which to be thankful.

.

Though life's goodness can
at times be overshadowed,
it is never outweighed.

.

For every single act
that is senselessly destructive,
there are thousands more small, quiet acts
of love, kindness and compassion.

.

For every person who seeks to hurt,
there are many, many more who
devote their lives to helping and to healing.

.

There is a goodness to life
that cannot be denied.

.

In the most magnificent vistas
and in the smallest details,
look closely,
for that goodness always
comes shining through.

.

There is no limit
to the goodness of life.
It grows more abundant
with each new encounter.
The more you experience and
appreciate the goodness of life
the more there is to be lived.

.

Even when the cold winds blow
and the world seems to be covered in foggy shadows,
the goodness of life lives on.
Open your eyes,
open your heart,
and you will see that
goodness everywhere.

.

Though the goodness of life
seems at times to suffer setbacks,
it always endures.

.

For in the darkest moments
it becomes vividly clear
that life is a priceless treasure.

.

And so the goodness of life
is made even stronger
by the very things
that would oppose it.

.

Time and time again
when you feared it was gone forever
you found that
the goodness of life
was really only
a moment away.

.

Around the next corner
Inside every moment
The goodness of life
Is there to surprise and delight you

.

Take a moment to let the goodness of life
touch your spirit and calm your thoughts.
Then, share your good fortune with another.
For the goodness of life grows
more and more magnificent
each time it is given away.

.

Though the problems constantly
scream for attention
and the conflicts appear
to rage ever stronger,
the goodness of life grows stronger still,
quietly, peacefully,
with more purpose and meaning
than ever before.

.

scarecrow

nothing...

solitude... time to think and gripe on mistakes and finding ways to redo them... or playing what-ifs...

what if i didnt let it happen?

what if i did something?

what if i waited a little bit more?

what a waste of time... but can you think of something for me to do besides that? read a book... i am reading "To Kill a Mockingbird" but still thoughts sneak up on me and catch me unaware of the drama... as the seconds tick by slowly... i feel my life also drip by... and im so helpless... and at the brink of being hopeless... well, i talked to a friend when she was down in the dumps... i said a few stuff and in the end she thanked me for encouraging her. so why cant i ease the abysmal emptiness inside?

im alone on the inside and the outside...

im thinking of the scarecrow i chanced on my way to tacloban... and how miserable life could be for him if it ever springs up a life...

and im thinking... im like a scarecrow....

questions

please grant me the serenity to accept the things i cannot change and the heart to do something to turn the tides in my favor...

in between

i am generally a happy person...

i do things that make me happy...

and i do things that are in accordance to the laws of God and i submit to to the authority of man...

but there is this eternal question that lingers in my mind...

so long as it makes us happy... is it what's right?

i dont think so...

that's basically the reason i think why God placed the mind over the heart...

not that we dont totally rely purely on the intellect or on the practical side of things...

but to quote my father... we must learn to strike a balance between our feelings and reason...